Are You Putting Your Kids First??

So you’ve just went through an ugly divorce.  There are a lot of hurt feelings, name calling back and forth, and other unfortunate circumstances.  Oh yeah, and you’ve just gone through the trial and tribulations of a dragged out court process and new partners introduced to the equation.  I get it!  It’s no secret why you have so much anger towards each other.

Still, you need to be mature enough as a parent to not put you’re kids in the middle.  This is a tough time for them as well, and the scars they get from being caught in the middle can last a lifetime!  Let them call the other parent whenever they ask.  Don’t bad mouth the other parent when they are with you.  The advice is nothing new, but often not followed!

I understand that it is an extremely emotional time, and I 100% empathize with you if you are in this unfortunate situation.  Just focus on the kids and yourself.  You’ll be surprised how one day things just get better miraculously.

Never stop believing in yourself!  Talk to you soon 🙂

-Dan Sims

28 thoughts on “Are You Putting Your Kids First??

  1. Best probably to try to be friends with ex, or soon to be ex-spouse if at all possible. Little ones are like sponges…they listen, absorb and soon mimic our “adult” behaviors, which only leads to continuing our legacies as they move on into their own adult lives…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. No truer word have been said. I’ve been through this terrible situation as a child and as a parent. You’re kids will know as they grow the person you are when you put them first amid the divorce and not play into the attack the other game. Love the post!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I agree 100%…but what do yo do when the other parent acts childish and attempts to claim you turned your child against him…when, in truth I never did…I left the choice up to my son whether he should talk to his father.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Obviously, each situation is different. In a vacuum, I would say to do your best to encourage a relationship with the other parent. It would be the best thing for the child. Both parents have a right to continue their relationship with their child. Again, that is in a vacuum, every story is different and other extenuating circumstances could come into play.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I think parents that stay together also need to remember this. I grew up in a household where my parents didn’t divorce, and even now at the age of 40 I think they should have. Even now I feel expected to pick a favorite or choose sides. Whatever the situation, we shouldn’t be doing that to our children.

    I will say that this doesn’t apply when one parent has been abusive to the child. I don’t believe it’s right to force a child into re-victimization. The non-abusive parent should have the right to separate the child from the abuse. Time and time again I have seen people belittle survivors for going no contact.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Wise words indeed! I’ve gone through this divorce thing twice and the one thing we all agreed upon was kids first! Never trash talk the other parent, cuz despite how bitter or angry both of you may be, your child still loves you both and doesn’t need one parent to speak negatively about the other! Never use the child as a bargaining tool to get what you want. And always, always allow the child to see the other when they need to (except in cases of abuse, neglect, or drug use…never put your child in jeopardy!)

    I also wanted to thank you for taking the time to read my post…madness! I really appreciate it. And good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Dan, my teen years were in the late 70s and early 80s. Fathers left in 78. It is tough to hear 1 side for 25+ years and then see and speak to my father again. Still think he wasn’t the father he should have been. It can affect a child to not want to get married or do it once and make it work. I chose the latter, unfortunately, I cannot make anything work. Were just not machines to fix or easily replace.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This is definitely true! I let my son call his father even though we’re not together. I want my son to see even though mommy and daddy aren’t together. We still treat each other with kindness and respect.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. As a divorced mom (soon to be 5 years) I have mistakenly taken the route of trying to push a relationship with the children’s father. After a host of really bad experiences and silence I realized that I had to set up some boundaries. Putting the children first can mean letting go and taking responsibility for the only one you can be responsible for, you. My children were too young to remember times when my ex-husband was around and I allowed a lot of confusion by playing the role of supporter. It came down to accepting that I will speak in a healthy way about myself and all others. That means letting go and moving on.


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